1. The Incontinent
The term incontinent refers to an individual that has little or no control over there bladder. If you have a pool party invariably somebody will pee in your pool, young or old this always happens. This means at any given time you could be swimming in diluted pee.
2. The Hoff
David Hasselhoff is well known for his drunken antics. Not known for his singing ability you may find that your guests mysteriously disappear. Anyway nobody needs a pretend life guard at their pool party.
3. The Obese
Firstly swimsuits should not be legal wear for the obese. Second they can displace huge volumes of water, like an oil tanker they create a wake when they swim. Drowning is a certain, so be warned.
4. Marco Polo
This is the guy swimming with his eyes closed shouting “Marco", "Marco", "Marco". Never answer "Polo", you will regret it for the rest of your life, and he will never stop following you. Importantly never invite him.
5. James Cameron
James has a talent for epic movies, remember Titanic. When it gets to pool parties the confusion starts. A self proclaimed underwater expert that thinks he knows how to solve the underwater oil leak in the Gulf, you will find him fiddling with your pool filter or exploring the drain and before you know it this may be the start of another underwater adventure.
6. Goths
Goths are scary people, always giving you that uncomfortable stare. I must be honest I have never seen a Goth taking a swim, maybe it is the water or maybe they think the water will mess with their look. In any case Goth should be at the local vampire convention, amongst their own kind. Need I say more?
7. Ostrogoths
For those needing a history lesson, the Ostrogoths is a minor branch of the 3rd and 4th century Goths, under Theodoric the Great. If you see one at your pool party, you will have made the finding of the century.
8. Albinos
Generally albinos are good people, shy and reclusive. The major problem is that they burn no matter the amount of sun block the use. If you invite albinos you will have to spend the better part of the day at the hospital, explaining how your guest managed the get 2nd or 3rd degree burns.
9. Michael Phelps
Phelps is well known for the bunch of gold medals he has won for swimming, unfortunately he has a bad habit, he likes smoking weed. Anything resembling a khaki bush might just end up in a joint after which you may find your guests in an unsolicited swimming competition. You might have to organise yourself some limousine rentals he is famous you know!
10. The Japanese
The Japanese are always in large groups. Their idea of swimming does not correspond to ours; they prefer getting wet, no diving or submerging. If you have a very large pool and speak some Japanese then maybe it might be a good idea to invite them. Not the best party idea though.
Taking all these pointers into consideration, there is no way that your pool party will fail.
